Thank you to all the helpful and generous people who
shared their personal experience on this page. Your input is
invaluable to others who have been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and the
people who share their lives. It is also extremely helpful and full
of information for anyone who suspects they may have the disorder.
Knowledge is power.
Adult ADD and Relationships
I am 23 years old and was recently diagnosed with adult ADD.
After all the years of being criticized for not paying attention,
zoning out and being useless I feel relieved to know there is a
reason. I have been reading through this site and it really helps
to hear others with the same problems I have been experiencing.
My main problem seems to be my temper and sensitivity to
criticism. At the moment I am struggling not to argue with my
partner. I wonder if anyone feels the same. I can be fine one
minute then explode the next if my partner keeps going on about the
same thing that I have done wrong etc. I get so worked up that I
have impulsive reactions and want to storm off then ten minutes
later will want to be normal again.
My partner often gets annoyed because he misinterprets a lot of
things I say and tells me that I have to think before I speak, but
I find it hard as I don't believe I am saying anything wrong
because he has misunderstood.
I am finding it really difficult and wonder if anyone has found
any good coping strategies. I also get really frustrated as I do
things a different way to other people and my partner thinks that
it isn't a logical way to do whatever the task is and is forever
checking everything I do. This infuriates me and makes me feel
suffocated and useless. I have just started taking Straterra which
I have had for 2 months now. I have seen some improvements in my
reactions but tend to lapse now and then. Also I have been getting
side effects I wondered if anyone else had.
I've also been diagnosed with Adult ADD though I'm certain I've
had this problem for as long as I can remember. My spouse and I
have had many, many difficulties throughout our eighteen year
marriage stemming from ADD related issues; specifically my
inability to finish projects I start, forgetfulness, daydreaming or
'zoning out,' laziness, anti-social tendencies, lack of
consideration, etc. And we too have come close to separating a
couple of times.
The hardest thing I've had to deal with once I acknowledged that
I really did have a legitimate problem and not just a weak
character was getting my spouse and other family to understand that
a mental or emotional disorder, such as ADD, depression or anxiety,
can be just as debilitating as any physical disability, if not
worse. I mean, if you have a heart attack or just break a bone,
it's obvious to those around you that you have a genuine medical
problem. But with ADD and related illnesses, there is no cast, no
x-rays, no apparent indications. It's easier to dismiss your
problems as laziness, contrariness, PMS, or whatever excuse is
handy, rather than to take the time and effort required to educate
oneself. Imagine telling a stroke victim to "just deal with it,
everyone has problems," or "if you really wanted to/cared about it,
you'd get it done."
It's still frustrating to no end, but my spouse is now
supportive, most of the time, because when I first sought
treatment, I brought home booklets and pamphlets galore from my
psychiatrist for him to read, e-mailed him articles I found online
about ADD and the ways to treat it and most importantly, I talked
to him about it until I got his attention. He's put up with a lot
more than most men would. And I'm lucky to have him.
I don't waste my time on ignorant people who don't take me or my
disorder seriously, or who vehemently insist that I should stop
making excuses and just "get over it." And I don't think anyone
else should have to put up with it either.
I have an IQ well above average, I'm creative and talented, and
I'm raising three beautiful, healthy, and gifted children. All this
and I'm being treated for ADD, anxiety, and a severe lifelong case
of depression. When I inevitably run across a closed-minded
individual who dares to tell me what I should do or how I should
live, I've learned to grit my teeth and bear it, all the while
asking myself 'who really has the weak character here?'
Unfortunately, I will admit that if you haven't lived with ADD
yourself, or depression, it's not an easy thing to understand or
deal with. So, difficult as it may be, sometimes we need to cut
these "normal" people some slack. In the meantime, I'd recommend
making some new friends, a support network, if you will. It helps,
Now that I've been diagnosed at 23 with ADD it explains a lot of
the relationship problems I've had with my fiancé for the past 6
years. Where to even begin? I have an inability to do those extra
things he asks me to do. I forget to run errands quite frequently,
even the really important ones. When driving I'm very easily
distracted which irritates, and at times scares him. I swerve and
almost rear-end other cars.
I lose bills and have a hard time keeping the house clean. The
worst part by far is my forgetfulness. I forget conversations, what
I'm saying in the middle of a sentence, and things I've said just
seconds before. Now that we know what is wrong with me, he's a lot
more patient with me. He finally understands that those annoying
little things I do aren't really my fault. I've recently started
taking Straterra and can't believe the difference in my
life. I'm starting to see what it's like to function like a
My husband has been trying to understand what I am dealing with.
He feels that if I wanted to change I could, but this type of
pressure aggravates my problems. The blaming gets us nowhere. I
have a hard time following through until a task is complete. I
can't seem to accomplish much but I am exhausted trying. This
pressure causes sexual problems as well, no interest when I feel so
bad about myself.
I am a 34 year old father of twins who was diagnosed with A.D.D
four years ago. My son also has ADD. My relationship with my family
was very difficult. We have been married for 14 years. I was too
manly to admit that a pill was the answer although it was. I was
originally taking it daily, things went well. I stopped, things
went really rough. I would yell, blame others for my shortcomings
and just not respect other's opinions. My wife held it together.
She had to deal with her husband and son. She is a trooper through
thick and thin. Family counseling, couples counseling and
individual sessions with a psychologist has helped keep us a
family. Now we are the road to a pleasant life.
The road is not without some pot holes. If I or my son forget
our meds things can get somewhat ugly. We start with not doing
daily things, easy things that cause friction in our home. Homework
is not completed, dad did not check it. Both of us are now falling
backwards into the past behaviors. With our medication on board we
do pretty well.
After reading some of the other replies I completely agree that
it is very difficult for a non-ADD person to understand this
illness. As far as my life experience, I was diagnosed at 36 (now
37) and I wish the friendus available to me now, were available to
me then. With medication and the understanding of others that I
even had a disorder, life would have been drastically different for
me 20+ years ago.
I deal with a lot of anger resulting from the treatment I went
through because I was labeled your typical problem child. I cried
many nights not knowing why I was acting the way I was, but also
realized it didn't stop but only escalated my acting out. Let's say
I had a serious attitude and that's sugar coated. It has been very
very difficult to break my coping habits as an adult. For years I
lashed out at anyone who dared get in my face and whew! Temper
temper! I still feel the need to protect myself this way and I
can't stand it.
I have worked very very hard to stop and learn new ways to deal
and progress is slow but I am moving forward. I am twice divorced
with four children. Lord, let me tell you I would have never had
children knowing I had ADD. It is very very hard. I have 3 boys all
ADHD (ages 18, 7, 4.) with the 4 year old being the absolute worst
case yet. He would drive a normal adult nuts and in dealing with
his behaviour plus being ADD there are days I feel I will lose it.
My daughter, age 11, shows no signs yet.
I am in a new relationship for about 10 months now and he is
having difficulty understanding me. He often says he will have a
life of high intensity drama if we stay together. He told me last
night I seek out ways to destroy relationships. I guess this could
be true and I won't deny his reasoning for thinking it. I am not
violent but I do speak my mind and I am quick tempered. Sometimes
following a day of extremely bad behavior by my 4 year old I am
ready and looking for someone to steam at just so I can relieve
stress, cry, fight, do whatever is necessary to release the anger
I didn't know that I had ADD until about a year ago. I have the
same historical background as others who share this disorder with
me. I am constantly in a state of rush no matter whether I plan for
something or not. My wife (I feel for her) is always letting me
know that I don't pay enough attention to her and that she often
wonders what it would be like to be with someone who would show her
such. It is hard for me to explain to her that I have every
intention to be that man for her, but I always seem to fall short.
Whether it be because I forget to send flowers, post love notes or
call her at work, I just can't seem to get it right. All the while,
I don't mean to do it.
I am on Ritalin and it has helped me tremendously, but it only
does so much. I have discovered that to be "normal", one has to
work at it. The only problem is consistency. I have to set
reminders everywhere, little notepads for work and for home,
reminders on my cell phone and calls from my wife or fellow
employees to remember to do something. There are times that I feel
hopeless and that I am never going to succeed with my disorder, but
I need to stay positive and not let anyone else deter me. If only
my wife could fully understand that my behaviour is not intentional
and that I don't make things go awry on purpose.
They say everything happens for a reason. I just lost the girl
of my dreams over all of these symptoms mentioned here. I'm 20 and
I'm glad I'm realizing that I have this condition now. I was taking
Ritalin as a child and it helped enormously but they eventually
told me I didn't need it anymore. In retrospect, it's been a lot
harder to cope since.
My temper flares at the slightest thing and goes away very
shortly. I had trouble in crowded situations and found myself
tuning out entirely. Many relationships have been damaged by my
lashing out unexpectedly. I've sought counseling and other
professional help but until I did more research on the symptoms I
not realize it was the ADD. I can't blame that condition entirely,
but I am confident that the pills will help.
I have been diagnosed with ADD since I was 8, and I am now 24.
It was hard growing up with it, because not a lot was known at the
time. It was hard on my parents, hard on me and my friends as I got
older. Two years ago I met my husband. It was really hard for him
to understand what a hard time I had in school, and in general
life. Everything comes so easy to him so it was extra hard for him
to understand me.
We found a book called ADD and Romance. I can't remember the
author, but it's a pink book. That has helped a lot. He was able to
see how my ADD affected him, and things that I do that makes him
mad is actually ADD. It also helped me figure out things that I was
doing, which I didn't even know I was doing, and helped me to be
aware when I was doing them. The more you know, and the more your
significant other knows and the better off everything is.
My former boyfriend of 23 was diagnosed with ADD very recently.
When we first met, he was incredibly infatuated with me. He sent me
flowers, love notes and pretty much hyper-focused on me rather than
on anything else in his life. A month into the relationship he said
I was the most important person in his life and that he loved me
more than he loved his mom. I thought that was a bit odd but didn't
pay much attention to it. He was a very nice guy but he had a short
fuse and he would always pick the most mundane fights. He also
complained about being inconsistent and incapable of finishing
things he started.
A year later, all the attention he gave me stopped and he was
suddenly "confused" and "inconsistent" as he put it. It was also
very hard for him to connect with reality. I knew the relationship
was spiralling downhill but when I tried to talk to him about it he
just couldn't connect and take it seriously. His body was there but
his mind was absent. One day, he forgot to pick me up to go on a
date and that was the end of it. I couldn't take it anymore. When I
read the book on ADD and Romance many of my questions were
answered. Although I don't want to blame our breakup entirely on
ADD, it may have been an important player. I wish I had read the
book before we broke up but perhaps it's better this way. I don't
know if I'd be supportive enough if we would have gotten married.
I'm going to give him the book as soon as i finish reading it.
My husband and I have been struggling with ADD issues in our
relationship for five long years now and have just now begun to
seek help for it. My husband went to see several different
physicians and told them all of his symptoms and they dismissed it
saying he was fine, he's just a man. Finally, after separating,
he's getting help and was just formally diagnosed with ADD. He also
suffers from depression and anxiety which we've been told can be
part of the ADD.
I'm writing from the non-ADD perspective. It's been hard! I'm
pretty much responsible for everything in our lives. If he does
take care of something, I have to check later to make sure he
finished it, which he resents. I know it's frustrating for him too,
but it's exhausting for me. It's like having another child in my
home instead of an adult. He is usually unavailable in our
relationship and fretting over something insignificant, every day!
So much drama. He is starting medicine this week and we are seeing
a wonderful counselor, so I'm hoping for great things! I feel like
I've aged ten years since we've been married and life has been so
difficult and full of conflict.
I was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago. I've been taking
medication and it seems to help out at work. Problem is, I was
ignorant on how much this was affecting my wife. I just figured the
meds were the "magic answer" and my marriage was great. Nope, not
the case. She has basically been taking care of two kids for the
past four years. Anytime she wanted to discuss problems, I'd blow
up. Now our marriage is in serious trouble and I'm scrambling
trying to correct it.
If I were to do things all over, I would try to focus more on
her. Set up a time every day where I would force myself to be
available to her needs, and not get defensive. I know this is
easier said than done, but knowing the emotional distress I have
caused her, and what appears to be the break-up of our marriage, I
would force myself to do it. You owe it to your relationship to
address the other's needs.
The best time of day to catch my attention is in the a.m. after
I have had my pot of coffee. This is the time I should have used to
talk with her in the past. Don't lose your mate. Talk about things
that aggravate them, and try to develop better habits around these
aggravations. Personalities can't change, habits can.
My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year, and we
live together. We literally hit the ground running when we started
dating. Early on, he revealed to me that he was he had had
childhood ADD (i.e., I was upset with him that he oftentimes seemed
to 'zone out'). Of course, before knowing this, I took his behavior
to mean that he found me unimportant and was losing interest in me;
however, he assured me that that was far from the case.
Over the course of our relationship, our time together has had
its highs and lows, as in any relationship, but knowing that he has
ADD has been a mixed blessing: I'm glad that I know that he suffers
from it, but I'm also troubled on how to remedy recurring problems,
e.g., his disorganization in our living space, his struggle with
prioritizing, his lack of motivation to get moving, his face glued
to the TV. By contrast, I am more on the get-up-and-go, near and
tidy person who likes to make to-do lists and I try to stay as
organized as possible.
I have to add that my older brother has ADD so some of the
behaviors my boyfriend has displayed, I am a bit familiar with. I
decided to take a stab at trying to understand the disorder and
search for some friendus as well as some support. My guy is a good
guy, and I want to help him. I just bought a book, Delivered
From Distraction: Getting the most out of life with ADD. I just
want to add that it's much easier to walk away from a relationship
then to deal with adversity. All I know is that in the end, I want
to say that I gave it my best shot, whatever the outcome, and
learned some valuable lessons.
I've been diagnosed with ADD for four months now. I always
wondered if there was something wrong with me, but had no friendus.
Asking doctors about problems was difficult and embarrassing. I
happened to find a new doctor and ask about anxiety and depression
when he starting asking me more in-depth questions, coming up with
ADD. I have a 4 year old son and a wife of five years (I now
understand what she has gone through) and love them very much.
Divorce or separation seem to come up a lot during arguments.
I've noticed within the last five years I cannot control my
anger or my foul language as easily. I figured it was my wife, or
my job, or dare I say it . . . my son. I now take a prescription
drug that my doctor recommended: Methylphenidate. I can think a
little clearer (still working on anger and swearing) and see a big
change in depression. I hurt my family with a big decision that I
could not see was a dead end and am now having to apologize
constantly. My wife is a trooper though. She found this site and
many others. This site in particular was very helpful with the
friendus I have read and the experiences I have related to. Thanks
to everyone for sharing!
I dated a wonderful man for about six months. He was attentive,
caring, and loving. He was everything that I wanted in a mate. I
always knew that he was diagnosed with ADD as a child but never put
much thought into how it affected 'us' as a couple. About four
months into the relationship he started classes at University. He
had decided to go back to school and I was 100% behind him.
Around this time he started to become slightly more distant. I
noticed but thought that it was because we had come out of the
"puppy love" stage. He then started two new part-time jobs. At this
time he seemed to me to be distant, and unavailable to see me as
much as I would like. I started to react and eventually gave him a
choice "make me a priority or I'm leaving the relationship". I
ended up leaving . . . which was a mutual choice. It wasn't until
after all was done that I understood that what was happening had
nothing to do with me but was ADD. He became so frazzled with life
he couldn't focus.
I regret what happened and that I didn't understand. I still
love him and hope that one day things work out for us but I do
still worry about his ability to follow though. The good news is
that he seems open to seeking and receiving help. I hope that he
does this. He is a wonderful man who deserves a wonderful life.
I'm 43, female, lesbian and have had ADD all my life. I've been
taking ADD medication and working with a top-notch ADD therapist
for about 15 years. I have a great job that I've been at for almost
25 years and I hold my own in the intelligence department. Where I
struggle is with relationships, both friendships and lovers.
I've found after several years of failed relationships that my
addiction to excitement and new challenges are contrary to making a
long-term relationship work. One of the things that many women do
is to become very symbiotic with each other emotionally, and what
seems to happen with me is the old "familiarity breeds contempt" or
at least boredom takes over. I yearn for a monogamous intimate
relationship that I can feel safe in, with a mate that I will
continue to respect and desire.
I currently have the best opportunity of my life with a
wonderful woman whom I am deeply in love with. Now after a year and
a half together I am scared by my old familiar feelings of boredom
I have been married for thirty-three years, and about four years
ago my husband who is now sixty-one, was diagnosed with A.D.D.,
type II inattentive. Our marriage had been troubled for years, not
because of his forgetfulness, his inability to complete projects,
his inattentiveness or promises which he could not keep and all the
other everyday things that go along with this condition.
Our marriage was in serious trouble because my husband had been
unwilling, for years, to even hear or consider what is and was
important to me, always making what he wanted (and needed) a
priority instead. When I tried to talk to him, he would start
blaming me immediately for whatever instead of listening to what I
had to say. He went so far as to tell me that all our problems in
our marriage I had created because I always was asking things of
him and I was always confronting him with something while he was
always Mister Nice. In a nutshell, if I would just keep my mouth
shut all the time, his life would be wonderful, and he stated as
much when we entered marital therapy (again) after his
Unlucky, we had a therapist who felt that my husband's diagnosis
was inconsequential to our problems. He believed that ADD has no
impact on relationships, only the two people involved and their
behaviour. My husband, while in therapy on his very apparent
blaming-and-unwilling-to-take-responsibility track, was told by
this therapist that he had an inability to admit to failure or
wrongdoing. However, this therapist decided to continue the
marriage counseling without paying future attention to his own
My husband, after I told him that I couldn't continue with this
kind of therapy or with our relationship because after months of
counseling things only worsened, decided that he probably didn't
have ADD and that he didn't need to inform himself about this or
seek any individual help at all; his view is the same as always; I
am the one who is solely responsible for the dismal state of our
I feel that the therapist we had, contributed even more to our
problems, and have come to the point after all these years of
marriage, that I am no longer willing to stay in this relationship.
I can say this much. My husband is a great person even with the
normal ADD flaws as long as he doesn't get confronted with
something that he might not have handled correctly. When that
happens, it is as if he transforms into another person. From all I
read and researched about Adult ADD, this is not uncommon
I find that lots of people and professionals just focus on the
common things in ADD instead of giving the behavioural traits the
same kind of focus; what happens with children who have ADD lots of
times happens with adults too. They are oppositional to no end,
unwilling to take responsibility for how they chose to behave. I
believe if professionals focused more on this in adults, lots of
relationships could be saved. The other things, in my book, are
small potatoes when you know that this is part of this condition.
What aren't small potatoes is living with a person who, in his
coping skills, has gotten so used to his blaming and uncaring
behaviour to the point that he believes himself it to be, quote,
I believe my husband lives in denial because he hasn't
encountered one professional who has been straight forward with him
and has told him that he needs to acknowledge behaviour before he
can ever make a positive change. I do know that my husband doesn't
want this to happen, and when I look at him I can say the same
thing lots of people have written here already, I do take care of
everything in our lives, and if this support falls away at his age,
how will he cope then?
I was first diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10, and was put on a
medication that would cause me to fall asleep. I was never
hyperactive, and in fact, have always had a problem with constant
fatigue. In response, my parents took me off of the medication and
never took me back.
Of course, I forgot all about this for a long time. I dropped
out of high school, ran off (rather impulsively) to another state
on a greyhound bus with just a backpack and got married. I got odd
jobs here and there, mainly in food service. I had no self-esteem
or confidence in myself, so I never tried to get a good job because
I was certain that I was a "freak" or was somehow "less than"
everyone else. I couldn't even order a hamburger in a fast-food
restaurant or make a phone call. I never learned how to pay bills
or make a budget, so my wife ended up doing all of that.
During the time between 1996 and 2001 I worked close to eighteen
different jobs, one right after the other. I would work there until
I became one of the best employees, and I would get bored with the
job and leave.
In 2001 I was finally coerced into taking the GED test and
passed, with a score of 335, and earned a scholarship. I went to
college as a physics major for two semesters and once again dropped
out. I simply couldn't stand being there anymore. I knew I
shouldn't have, I didn't want to, but I couldn't get over not
wanting to be there.
Well, through the years, I've switched from one project to
another, being absolutely gung-ho in the beginning but then
fizzling out after a few days. I've been interested in art,
writing, physics, mechanics, philosophy, metaphysics, electronics,
etc. ad infinitum, switching focus about once every other day.
My wife, who has a genetic disorder that has caused a cascade of
other physical problems including hypothyroidism, diabetes, and
anxiety attacks, has had to put up with this behaviour all this
time. I never did any chores, would freak people out by saying or
doing something and having absolutely no memory of it a few seconds
later, and have never even gotten a driver's license.
Eventually we moved back to my hometown in California, and I
finally decided to get help after having a serious breakdown. I
went to college as an art major while I sought medical help and
treatment, though I dropped out again in only one semester.
In the end it took me almost four months just to get a doctor to
take me seriously, and when I finally did, I was re-diagnosed in
less than five minutes. I applied for disability to help pay rent,
and they of course sent me to their own specialist to be diagnosed
again. I still don't know how I managed to fill out all the
paperwork, but I got through the system and began receiving
disability in only three months.
I am going to vocational rehab now to try to get a real job that
I might actually be able to keep, and am currently taking
Dexedrine. All of this on top of a lifetime of severe depression
and a father who had me convinced I was worthless because I wasn't
him. My parents never even took me to a doctor when I broke my nose
as a child.
I'm now almost twenty eight, and I've had to live with all of
this my entire life, and now it seems that even with my medication,
even though it makes a major difference in my attitude and
behavior, I still can't seem to do simple things like paying bills
or balancing a check book, or even making phone calls, because I've
always got so many other things on my mind and that I want to
Because I forget things and miss well over half of anything said
to me, and put things off (often until it's way too late,) I tend
to screw things up a lot, and I'm always making the worst possible
decisions that always end up with disastrous results. Then I lash
out when confronted about it because the feeling of guilt is so
overwhelming that my brain literally shuts itself off. I can't
control my behaviour, and all I can do is try to figure out what I
can do or say to make the feeling of guilt "go away" and end the
The problem is that this same thing happens not just when I'm
confronted by my friends and family about something I've done (or
not done) but even just talking to someone. Even if the
conversation isn't important. Things like paying at a grocery
store, ordering in a restaurant, asking for help understanding
directions, etc., become almost completely impossible. I become
paralyzed. My friends call it "deer in headlights syndrome" to
describe the effect.
I'm determined to dig myself out of this hole however, because I
want to be able to take care of my wife and myself and be a
responsible adult. And the medication has definitely helped me
focus enough to at least try, even though it still feels quite
often like I'm not getting anywhere.
I was diagnosed with ADD 4 months ago and looking back into my
life with girls and relationships I found that after 6-8 months I
was over it. Just done and nothing could make me feel the same way
that I felt a month earlier. I am still having trouble with girls
and keeping interest for longer than 6-8 months. This is obviously
frustrating me and the one that I am with, does anyone out there
have a clue of what to do?
I'm 27 years old and I've never been diagnosed. I started having
problems with ADD (my own well-researched self-diagnosis) as far
back as I can remember. In elementary school, I was unable to pay
attention in class, couldn't sit still and got in trouble a lot for
being disruptive. In grade school I learned to stay out of trouble
but still had problems focusing in school and during personal study
time and my grades reflected those issues. I always had trouble
being social and developed huge insecurities. I constantly asked
myself, "WHY can't you just PAY ATTENTION?!" and felt SO stupid for
not being able to keep up in school. After all, everyone else
In High School, it was the same story but as school became more
demanding and a social life became more important to me, my
insecurities and depression seemed to get worse. I felt like every
day was a struggle, not to excel, but just to get through it and
then do it all again the next day. I heard about ADD and researched
it. I was certain that ADD was my problem and that I could be
normal if I was treated. My parents told me that I just wasn't
trying hard enough and that I just had to apply myself. I became
reliant on my relationships with boys and in college, struggled
even harder to study and fight against myself to do well in school.
Failure after failure, to do well in school, made me turn to
alcohol and I drank heavily almost every night.
I went from serious relationship to serious relationship because
being single was lonely. I ended up on academic probation and
dropping out of college to work from pay check to pay check and
couldn't hold down a long-term job. Years later, I'm still fighting
insecurities, depression and still feel like a prisoner within my
own mind. I'm earning a degree through online classes which are
going much better because I can work at my own pace, not someone
My husband and I have a good relationship, MOST of the time, but
sometimes we have these huge fights that make me want to leave him
and think that maybe we should see a counsellor. I wonder how much
my ADD has affected our relationship because I know my insecurity
and sensitivity must have some effect. I've thought about seeing a
physician about a diagnosis and treatment but for some reason I'm
scared. I don't want to be told, yet again, that it's all in my
head or that I just need to try harder.
First of all, I am right now, causing my tongue to bleed. No one
has any right, unless backed up with hard scientific evidence, to
denounce the validity of ADD/ADHD. How dare you? (That post was
removed by a super.) We could just as easily denounce the viability
of bipolar, or depression. "Oh those are just excuses to feel sorry
for yourself". And in my mind, the ramifications of ADHD ADD are
far more serious than depression (depression could be a consequence
of untreated ADD ADHD).
How would explain how thousands of people have the same strange
symptoms of learning disabilities, anger issues, social inadequacy,
organizational inabilities, forgetfulness, impulsiveness,
hyperactivity, all clumped together in one person? I'm sorry,
that's sounds like a clinical mental disability to me! All those
Me, except for anger and learning disabilities. I do have
irritability issues. I was diagnosed at I believe the age of 6 or
seven. This was because I had extreme issues paying
attention in school (thank God I was home-schooled). But I also
couldn't get ready in a timely fashion, I would forget that I was
supposed to be putting on my shirt and would be in the corner of my
room playing with a Barbie-shirtless- me, not the Barbie. My mom
used to say that if she ever died of a heart attack, it would be
because of me getting ready in the morning. I wasn't a stupid kid,
nor did I have hand coordination problems or learning
I could read my first 10 page "book" when I was 4. I was doing
multiplication when I was 6 and wrote my first 250 wood composition
when I was almost 7. I graduated high school with extra credits at
the age of 16. I am now in my first year of college working on a
Culinary Arts AA Degree. My SAT scores ranked with those going in
to college to study law, surpassing most students who were going in
to study Culinary.
ADD/ADHD is a stumbling block, a chemical imbalance in the brain
that has caused a key doors to stick shut or open, when they need
to be routinely opened and closed. Impulsivity was and is a huge
problem with me factoring in physical inappropriateness (nothing
sexual in my case but in many other cases it can lead to that if
not subdued or redirected), I reach out to tap someone to emphasize
a point, and I would end up leaving a bruise. So in my case,
inappropriate physical aggressiveness was my issue.
This doesn't mean I love my issues that I think being ADHD is
totally cool. I hate it. My stimulant medication causes my
metabolism to speed up quite a bit. It also knocks down my appetite
somewhat (although hormones easily override my medication whenever
they so do please). I am a healthy weight right now, I don't eat
too much and I'm active at least 3 times a week in Karate for 45
minutes each time. My favourite place is outside. I want to
overcome and control my symptoms. I know I'll never grow out of it.
My birth family (by the way, I'm also adopted) has a history of
obesity and diabetes.
I feel that being on medication the way I have been, has
severely damaged how I will be able to control what I eat, having
never really been given that chance, having been on medicines for
10 years now. It's disappointing, but that's just the smallest
piece in this story. My social abilities suffered heavily up until
I was around 13. The fact that I still have friends from when I was
8 is amazing.
ADHDers can have the side effect of not being able to see or
care about the emotions and hurts of other people. Many times,
someone with ADHD has huge issues with thinking and caring about
other people, they usually have the ability to care of only
themselves if they don't get help. Other issues that go hand in
hand, oh and before I continue? ADHD is ADD, the added H stands for
Disgraphia- keys in with poor hand coordination issues of
ADHD. What is it? An inability to write almost anything with any
sort of legibility, doesn't mean it's incurable, just takes a lot
of letter stencils and training to overcome. Discalcula- a form of
dyslexia, a learning delay in which letters swim on the page,
making martial look like marital.
Discalcula is the same, but with numbers, and it goes
even further. Numbers have no meaning to you. It's like "normal"
people with no understanding of geometry trying on their own to
figure the pi symbol and its relevance. Discalcula, you look at if
a=b and b=c, then a=c, your mind goes, "how the heck did you get
that a=c?" that because 1/2 = 1/4+1/4=2/4 so 2/4=1/2 your mind goes
"yeah, that's nice, what is that supposed to mean again?" My sister
has Discalcula. She can't add or subtract negatives with positive
without the number line I made for her with 4 clear rules on adding
subtracting negatives with positives. It's such an issue with her,
she can't understand that 136-n=120 that in turn equals the
equation 136-120=n. How can you tell me that ADHD/ADD just isn't
real? My sister is 15 and she can't add 1/4+1/4=1/2 she gets 2/8.
Why would someone purposefully do that to get sympathy? To pretend
not to be able to understand 4th grade math when you are in the
12th grade? (Fortunately we found alternate math programs that we
were able to count as high school math so she will also graduate at
I said I don't think ADHD is totally cool, I do think, in the
interlacing between your disorder and who you are, you can't
separate the two, so when you have ADHD, when you totally embrace
it, when you work with it to help you, then I think ADHD can be
really cool. ADHD, the hyperactivity? I let it out in Karate, I
took the energy that was driving everyone crazy and trained it to
go into my muscles, into my balance and reflexes. I'm now a 9th
level Junior Black belt (been in Karate for 10 years now). The only
people my instructor wants me to do grappling with, so that I have
a chance to be challenged, are the big 6' feet tall guys in the
class. Of course, being a 16-year-old girl now, the amount of
grappling I do with guys is strictly limited.
Here's the thing, when picking things to do to get the energy
out, make sure it is something like Karate, but counterbalance it
with something where do you don't exert the energy on people,
someone could get hurt, but also if you are always trying to
restrain that energy so you don't hurt someone, you may never learn
how to fully empty yourself, never feel the thrill of using the
full extent of your strength. Something like weight lifting, or
advanced sport conditioning would be really great to. Like I said,
because I have ADHD, doesn't mean I'm stupid, because I come to the
defence of people who are diagnosed, doesn't mean I think that
everyone should feel sorry for them. I have hard times, but it
makes me mad, and what I have been trained to do, is that when it
makes me mad, I turn that anger on the symptom and kill the
I don't have attention problems, and I can sit still far better
than my sister who does not have the hyperactivity, I can sit still
for 1 hour and 30 mins so far, that's all I have had to sit still
for. When it comes to tests such as the SAT or Midterms, I go into
a hyper focus that I have trained myself to do. I don't allow
anything to distract me. I'm still in the process of doing the same
in other areas though, like driving when I can only hyper focus
when concentrating on one thing. When I have to concentrate on a
lot of the things at the same time, I miss things, like what
happens with my memories like Greek myths. With driving, I'll be
really good at taking in the street sign, signal, the lanes, the
laws, all at once at let's say an intersection I'm about to go
through, but I'll miss the car that is right in front of me
starting to slow down to make a turn: stuff like that.
I feel like I can help a lot of my fellow "friends" of people
with ADHD. I like to tell people I have ADHD and have them look at
me like "why the heck would you lie to me like that?" My success is
all owed to my parents, if they didn't care or weren't involved
like they are, I would probably be some wild girl pregnant and on
the street right now.
Because of people who go around saying stuff like, "oh I'm such
a klutz", "I so hate my ADHD impulsiveness", I can see why other
people assume that this disorder is a fraud. People who go around
saying stuff like, a.) "OMG, my cousin is always bouncing off the
walls, I swear he has ADHD, he just can't stop moving", are usually
exaggerating, b.) When asked if he told them he had ADHD their
usual response. "No, but I'm telling you there is no way he doesn't
have ADHD". Then I drop the bomb that I have ADHD and have been
professionally diagnosed, and the looks on their faces is
priceless. But then they go on to still say that their energetic
cousin has severe ADHD as if they know better than me.
That makes me mad, and there's the assumptions that ADHD kids
all belong in resource, rooms at school. Actually, a lot of the
people I know who have ADHD, have GPA's of 3.6 or higher. My high
school GPA was 3.86, my IQ is 134, two points lower than my
brilliant mother. (I'm not exaggerating, if you knew her you would
say the same.) 6 points from the highly intelligent spectrum.
I just want everyone out there with ADHD/ADD to know that,
they're not stupid, just a little lost, with even just a little bit
of help? They could go beyond anything they could have dreamed. Oh,
and Einstein? The theory is that he had ADD and at least Asperger's
syndrome. They are doing further studies on it. The term Absent
Minded Professor was started with him and not for no good reason.
Oh, and Thomas Edison? He is also being looked into for ADD. His
teachers hated him because he wouldn't pay attention in class, and
turned all his homework in late and sloppy.
Both my husband and myself have ADHD, and we've been married for
twenty-eight years now. Our first sixteen years were very chaotic
due to neither one of us ever being on any treatment for ADHD. My
husband started on treatment right after our son was diagnosed with
ADHD and the change in him was quite apparent. The chaos in our
home was eased in the first month.
I knew at the time that I also shared the same ADHD diagnosis
and so did my sons doctors, who I had worked for as one of their
nurses prior to his birth, yet I didn't want to admit that I too
had ADHD. One of them talked me into a series of tests for ADHD and
I knew that things would soon change. I started treatment as well.
All of us were taking Adderall and there was been an unbelievable
change. It was wonderful until I lost my job due to a back injury
and could no longer afford the Adderall for myself.
Once again, chaos stepped in, and seemed to totally take over my
life. I found it impossible to complete tasks, and despite much
effort, it just wasn't happening. Eventually, after having two more
children, it caught up with me, and I am once again on treatment
for ADHD, and things are looking up again.
Being a 36 year old man, with ADD and have lived with it all my
life. It does has its disadvantages. However, when it comes to
understanding one, it's simple, especially in a relationship. The
way is to simply write out all the ADD facts for your partner,
research it. Show it to them, if they truly care for you, they will
understand. Mine did, then the funniest thing happened. She did her
own research and talked to friends. Sure enough, she found
something for me. Called Ginkgo Biloba, I have been taken it for
years now and everything is fine.